The Queue: Zombieland
I still don’t know how I totally feel about Zombieland. I know that it wasn’t a bad movie, as I was laughing quite a bit while watching it. However, there were also moments during the middle where I was checking my watch like I was waiting for a a frozen pizza to cook in the oven. The movie had a lot of promise in the beginning. The introduction of the Columbus character with his rules was done really well, and watching slow-mo deaths were always enjoyable — that woman in the mini-van really should have worn her seatbelt. I’m also a sucker for low-budget horror/action flicks where very talented makeup people get to flex their prosthetic muscles to create some incredibly realistic effects. Between Zombieland and District 9, it’s nice to see some of this old-school style.
What killed the momentum for me was about halfway through, when I’d realized I’d seen this before. I had already seen the campy take on the zombie genre with Shaun of the Dead, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was watching a movie about Left 4 Dead. Four unlikely heroes team up to stave off a zombie-type infection while traveling across the country in search of a “safehouse”. On top of that, they spend the last act in an amusement park! With a clown zombie! And that’s why I’m thinking that Zombieland falls in the “average” realm for me. Originality. I can’t say it wasn’t fun to watch, but I can’t say that I plan to watch it again either.
Quick Queue: Tropic Pineapple Rising for Coraline
It’s been a while since The Queue has reared its head, so I’ve got four movie reviews to fire off here (although in a slightly shorter format). Let’s get started.
Pineapple Express
Not since the masterpiece Dumb and Dumber have two best friends with less than stellar intellect and decision-making skills made a funnier pairing. Pineapple Express starts out funny and ends in insanity. When Dale Denton accidentally witnesses a druglord-related murder and his identity is traced back to his drug dealer, Saul, the two men have no choice but to work together to out-run their would-be assassins.
When you start watching this movie, you expect it to be a slapstick comedy with some raunchy humor, but it comes out with guns blazing. Does it have Gary Cole and Seth Rogan having a machine gun fight in an underground weed bunker? Yes it does. Is Danny McBride running over people in a Daewoo? Yes he is. And it all wraps up in time for breakfast at the Waffle House.
What To Add It For: It’s funny, man.
This really is a funny movie. With everything from comedic dialog to over-the-top action scenes that are hilarious in their ridiculousness.
What To Remove It For: Low brow humor.
Comedy is definitely subjective, and while I love a crass-humored stoner comedy done right, it’s not what others may like.
Rating: 4/5
Up Review: Unexpectedly Awesome
Once again, I’m back with another review and another reason to proclaim my love for Pixar. I can honestly say that if Up wasn’t a Pixar creation, I wouldn’t have been excited to see it. Even though the commercials and trailers featured some great comedy moments and showcased the great characters, a movie about a traveling septuagenarian, on its own, just doesn’t sound that appealing to someone who likes comics and books with spaceships on the covers.
I am grateful, however, that Pixar did release this movie because without that motivating force, I would have missed out on a truly fantastic story. It’s hard to accept that a movie with a 78-year-old protagonist moved and entertained me just as much as, if not more than, any other Pixar movie I’ve seen. Including Wall-E. I kid you not.
The Queue: Triple Threat Match
The Queue posts have built up quite the…bottleneck, so I thought I’d catch up by giving you a three-for-one deal.
Bolt
If someone told you that Disney was going to make a new animated film without the help of Pixar, wouldn’t you think that it would be a 2D animated feature, possibly about a princess? You might, and you’d be wrong. While Disney and Pixar were separated, but on speaking terms, Disney didn’t want to lose precious time in the theater and thus Bolt was created. While I have nothing against so-called 3D animation, I get somewhat discouraged when John Lasseter and company aren’t involved. There are some surprises (Kung Fu Panda), but mostly the movies are disappointments (Shrek, Antz, etc).
Bolt is about a canine actor that has spent his entire life on a television set. Because of this, he doesn’t know that he’s not really a super-powered dog that continuously saves the world from an evil, cat-loving mastermind. When he manages to get free after a particularly realistic-looking capture of his owner, Penny, not only does he have to find his way back to her, but he has to come to terms with the fact that his entire life hasn’t been what he thought it was. Along for the ride are a stray cat, Mittens, and an energetic hamster named Rhino.
Overall, this movie falls into that middle-of-the-pack realm. It’s not terrible, but there’s not enough high-quality content to bring you back for additional watches.
What To Add It For: The Animation.
For what it’s worth, the character designs and animation are fairly well done. I wouldn’t say it’s Pixar good, but there are some impressive moments.
What To Remove It For: The Voice Acting.
John Travolta and Miley Cyrus, really? I can understand Miley, but what the hell is Travolta doing in this movie? His lines are so labored that I picture him sitting on a couch with a snifter of Brandy, stroking his greasy hair. Or, just reading the script over cell phone.
Rating: 2/5
Transformers 2 Review: Face-Ripping Robot Action!
I have an undying love for all things Transformers. As I’m writing this, hundreds of figures adorn shelves in my office, Generation 1 DVD sets sit on my bookshelf, the animated movie poster hangs over my desk, and Optimus Prime and Megtron leer at me from the sides of my monitor. I love these things. I can’t say exactly what it is that makes Transformers so significant to me. I know that besides my Care Bear (Cheer Bear specifically), Transformers are the first toy I can remember being excited to play with. Like all children growing up in the 80s, I had Dukes of Hazzard toys, Ninja Turtle figures and LEGOs, but was something about these shape-shifting aliens that I enjoyed more than any other toys. I even made my own Transformers out of LEGOs!
Growing up, I was fascinated by machinery and form. As a young boy, like most boys, I really liked trucks and construction. Monster trucks, bulldozers and heavy farm equipment fascinated me, and I always loved cartoons and characters. When the two met, and I saw a tractor-trailer semi transform into a robot, that was it. Ever since, I’ve been collecting Transformers toys — I have ones that I received as gifts when I was four — and I still look forward to the new figures coming out now. I’m sure a therapist could explain the true, and possibly disturbed, reasons I hold onto and collect these toys, but for me, it reminds me that no matter how old I get, I never have to really grow up.
Okay, enough about me. I just wanted to warn you the the so-called “review” below might not be totally subjective.
The Queue: Slumdog Millionaire
I’m always very skeptical of Oscar-Winning films, especially Best Picture Winners. It’s one of those categories that just never gels with my taste in movies. Besides Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and a couple others, Best Picture films are usually, in my opinion, boring duds that are full of pretentious drivel Hollywood likes to spew out a few times a year to pretend that it makes art movies instead of the next vehicle for Comedian of the Moment. I hate to say it, but Slumdog Millionaire is one of those over-hyped duds. I don’t think it’s a bad movie, and it wasn’t too boring, but I can say that I had a very hard time seeing what was so great about it.
Slumdog is about a lower-class Indian teenager that finds himself competing for the top prize on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”. When he is accused of cheating, flashbacks tell the origins behind his obscure knowledge, as well as some of the horrors of his growing pains. My problems with this movie don’t extend to the actors — they did a wonderful job portraying the characters. You feel for the protagonist, root for the good guy and despise the evil characters. What I found lacking was imagination. While the location backdrops and characters were pretty spectacular, the story was too predictable and the dialog was straightforward. Overall, I think the movie is worth a watch, since it was an Oscar winner, and my taste in movies can be a little obscure.
What To Add It For: The Atmosphere.
From the urban sprawl of downtown Mumbai to the sheltered slums of the city’s underbelly, the scenery breathes on its own.
What To Remove It For: Been There Done That.
Enjoyable characters and locations don’t make up for the same old story with the same old predictable ending.
Rating: 2/5
The Queue: Dead Space: Downfall
Since I was absolutely enthralled with Dead Space on Xbox, I thought I would dive into some of the back-story and watch the animated DVD prequel Dead Space: Downfall. I’m a huge fan of animation, whether it be Anime or Western-developed, and I was intrigued by the story in the game — even though it was a little been-there-done-that. The animation was particularly graphic: severed limbs, heads, people being cut in half, people being eaten, jaws being ripped off, and there was blood everywhere. Even though you could tell that the movie was made to cash in on the target audiences’ blood-lust more than it was made to entertain the story, it was an enjoyable film overall.
Downfall explains everything that happens before Isaac and his crew mates land on the Ishimura, to a point. The true origin of the alien infestation isn’t wholly revealed, but I think that’s more for the sake of believability than an oversight. It makes the story scarier and more believable to not know exactly where these monsters came from. There are some things revealed in the film that could be considered surprises in the game, however, so I would say that if you plan to play the game, do not watch the movie first. Overall, I would recommend this movie to anyone who enjoyed the Dead Space game or is a fan of animation. Or blood. Definitely watch it if you like blood.
What To Add It For: It’s Dead Space.
If you liked the story of Dead Space (like me), it’s worth checking out this freebie on Netflix to see how the whole thing started.
What To Remove It For: End To A Beginning
In the same way that Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring (LOTRTFOTR) left you with a little to be desired, so does Downfall. Dead Space is the main course, this is the appetizer.
Rating: 3/5
The Queue: Role Models
![The Queue: Role Models](http://killerrobotcomics.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/queue-rolemodels.jpg "\")
Role Models fits right in between “Funnier Than I Thought The Trailer Made It Look” and “Less Funny Than Everyone I Know Made It Out To Be”. I have really enjoyed Paul Rudd’s last few years of work. He was amazing in Anchorman, and I couldn’t help but love his complete breakdown in Knocked Up. He’s the reason I wanted to see this movie at all, and I have to say that he lived up to what I was expecting. He was funny, smug, and strangely easy to relate to. Sean Williams Scott basically played the character he’s always played, but I don’t mind thinking that maybe he’s just the dude that went to Ithaca University in Road Trip, and somehow this is how his life has ended up.
What made this movie a blast to watch was the LARPing (Live-Action Role Playing). I’ll admit it. Between the ridiculousness of McLovin battling with a foam sword, and the KISS-obsessed ending, it was definitely worth staying awake the whole movie. The real downfall of the film was that it was slow. Things took a while to evolve, and it seemed like every scene lasted a minute or so longer than it needed to. And while the dialog kept me laughing a good portion of the time, the ending fell a little flat in the creativity department. If you like R-rated comedies — that are light on the raunchiness — it’s worth a watch.
What To Add It For: The Dialog.
I love movies that do a good job of making you feel like these are actual conversations between real people and not pre-written scenes by a writer with a PhD in wit (The O.C., Dawsons Creek, et al). (See: Shaun of the Dead, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Cabin Fever for examples of how to write dialog.)
What To Remove It For: Middle Of The Road Comedy.
You won’t waste your time watching this movie, but if for some insane reason you have thousands of movies in your queue, you wouldn’t miss this one.
Rating: 3/5
The Queue: Star Wars: Clone Wars
Sometimes a terrible movie can be really fun to watch — Street Fighter, the Bill & Ted’s Movies, Ice Pirates (which I need to do a “Queue” about). And sometimes, you get Star Wars: Clone Wars. Clone Wars isn’t as obnoxious as Dragon Wars, but it isn’t fun like Street Fighter either. It’s a middle-of-the-road bad movie where you get bored watching it, but it’s not stupid enough to watch again later with a group to heckle it. Nothing happens in the movie that sticks with you, in a good or bad way. Somehow they’ve managed to incorporate every bad thing that George Lucas did with the “Prequels” and go even further by making Clone Wars just flat-out boring.
Clone Wars is exactly what you would expect from a “new” Star Wars movie: pointless story, drivel for dialog, too many battles, annoying sidekick character (Ahsoka), out of place discussions on politics/war, an awesome bad guy that doesn’t deliver (Ventress), etc. First of all, you can tell that the movie was just an hour-and-a-half-long first episode of the television show that’s now playing. Secondly, did I mention that it’s boring?
The plot follows Anakin Skywalker and his new Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, as they try to keep the peace with the Hutt clan that has found Jabba’s son kidnapped. The Jedi want to form an alliance with the Hutts so they can use their shipping lanes during the war with the Separatists. Meanwhile, Anakin and Ahsoka end up having to cart the sick Hutt-ling across the galaxy to stop the Hutts from turning on the Jedi. If you can stand the prequels and really like Star Wars, this one may be okay, but if you’re an old-school Star Wars fan, this is not the film you’re looking for.
What To Add It For: The Character Designs.
I like most of the Clone Wars style character designs (though the cartoon versions look better).
What To Remove It For: The Animation.
Pixar this isn’t. Hell, it’s not even Dreamworks. I’ve seen better animation in Resident Evil video games.
Rating: 2/5
The Queue: Kung Fu Panda
Kung Fu Panda is a CG-Animated movie by Dreamworks that tells the story of a lazy Panda named Po, a huge fan of Kung Fu, and what happens when he is chosen to become his home’s unlikely savior. Even though he spends his days working in his father’s noodle shop, he dreams about being the next great Kung Fu master like his heroes, the Furious Five. When the wise Master Oogway appoints Po the Dragon Warrior, it is up to Master Shifu to teach Po the ways of Kung Fu so that he can face an escaped villain named Tai Lung and defend the Valley of Peace.
I can say that I truly enjoyed this film in almost every way. It was funnier than I was expecting, and the animation is spectacular. The character designs are some of the best I’ve ever seen in CG Animation, and the action scenes are very well thought out. Instead of small parts of action spaced in the narrative, there a more than a few sweeping action pieces that don’t appear very often in Western animation. The best comparison that I can give is that it likens itself to Toy Story where there is quite a bit of heart and humor, but it doesn’t sacrifice the pacing and feel of the movie itself. If you’re a fan of animation, this is a must see.
High Point: The bridge fight between Tai Lung and the Furious Five. I’m still trying to imagine the amount of animation work and study that went into those ten minutes.
Low Point: Knowing the entire time that Tigress was Angelina Jolie.
Rating: 4/5